My stress is my kids stress

These last two weeks or so has been really tough. My kids have been off the wall and have had such terrible behavior. They suddenly became out of control in public and just pushing the line all the time. Minute by minute it seemed. Tonight I was so frustrated. After putting them to bed I calmed myself with a bit of bible study. I reflected and prayed to God silently for guidance. After about two hours, it came to me. Its all my fault. The sudden change in their behavior is simply mirroring my change in mood this week. My terrible time is why I really decided to start a blog in the first place. This month is three special days for me. My birthday, mother's day and my anniversary to my husband all in about a two week span. My birthday was miserable. My husband just doesn't celebrate anything really. He thinks its good enough to just make him rib eye for dinner. No special time, no special acknowledgements. He so worried that it will become obligations. He actually didn't even TELL me happy birthday. Or happy mothers day. But he did say happy anniversary today. He didn't even really talk to me on my birthday. In fact, we were pretty much in an argument. For long and dumb reasons, he made me tell him some of my thoughts (really - he threatened that he would go outside and separate himself from me if I didn't tell him). I should have lied and said something different than what I really thought. But that's not like me. I cannot do that. So, he didn't like my response and he still separated himself from me. Mothers day was the same, but I did little things with my kids on my own. Our anniversary, at least he said something. By that time I was so stressed out that it was going to be another horrible day.
So these last two weeks or so have been so completely stressful to me. Ive felt so unimportant and unloved by my husband. My children really picked up on that. I have a lot of ground to make up with my children for these last two weeks. I was at a website reviewing their top ten discipline principles to get ideas on what I was doing most wrong lately. Sadly, Ive really sucked. My bad mood made me short tempered. Ive disregarded the uniqueness of each of my children in my punishments. I have not had "special time" with my children - which probably really caused a lot of the problems. In allowing myself to be so moody and depressed, I modeled to my children this behavior as acceptable.
Sometimes I could just kick myself. It seems the harder I try to be a great mom, the more profoundly I screw up. I pray that my children make it through childhood and they look back at like what they see. I pray they love each other and have a tight bond. Above all, I pray that they acknowledge and accept the Lord as their savoir.